A light drizzle discourages visitors from lingering in the plaza where a bizarre statue commemorates my death.
Unplanned and unprovoked, my murder occurred on a dreary day like today. My brilliant lover, whose sculptures were spawned by anger and frustration, crossed the line between creativity and insanity and I, the reliable recipient of his verbal and physical persecution, became the spectral inspiration for his last work.
Originally conceived as a penitent monument to our undying love, his commission morphed into a confession of guilt. The sculpture of my mad lover racing from his sin, my trailing body hand-locked to his ankle, publicly confirms the horror of his act.
(Photo by David Stewart, Friday Fictioneers, February 15, 2013.)
Oooooooo, nicely done! There’s not one certain aspect that stands out; everything is of a piece. and the matter-of-fact telling works well.
Just a small thing–I’d either put a space between paragraphs or indent. They just don’t look right to me as is.
janet
Many thanks for the nice comment. I know there’s a way to indent in WordPress but I’ve been too lazy to figure it out. Will do so one of these days.
I think you probably just have to space the number of times you want. WordPress is really annoying about things like that. Maybe you have to get the paid version to upgrade to indenting. I’m pretty sure they don’t have it on the free one.
The concept of him racing from his sin is quite powerful. I loved the narrative voice in this – as Janet says, very matter of fact. Well done.
Glad the narrative voice works–I tend to use if often. Thanks for commenting.
Yes this is a powerful write. I did enjoy reading it.
Glad it works–enjoyed writing it.
This is really good! One of my favorites today!
Many thanks–a fine compliment.
Good one!
Thanks–much appreciated.
Creative and powerful interpretation of the prompt!
Kind words, indeed. Many thanks.
Nice story. Well not nice, but well written. I mean I liked the story all though it was dark. Ah hell. It was a good take on the picture.
Like your comment–fun as well as very nice.
great hook in that first line.
Good to hear that intro worked. Many thanks.
‘reliable recipient of his verbal and physical persecution’ – great line!
This is one of my favourites so far – really well written and so many phrases to love (in particular, ‘spectral inspiration’ and ‘penitent monument’. Powerfully told.
Thanks for the vote of confidence–and glad you found phrases that resonated. Always good to hear positive feedback.
It has a very haunting tone to it. I really like it. What a macabre thing to see, if someone knew the true story of it.
Great photo–would love to know name of artist–it’s an interesting piece and your photo is most provocative.
Dear VB,
How dark and horrible. I like the POV you’ve chosen for this. Somehow the voice from beyond the grave adds punch to the story. Good job!
shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks for the positive comment on the POV–subject matter of the sculpture seemed pretty grim to me.
Imaginative and powerful take on the prompt with poignant undertones.
Very well written.
Afraid things like this happen–look at the news about Oscar Pistorius in today’s paper.
This is very interesting.
Twisted and strange.. but so are humans!
something like that in real life would have been sensational!
condemned by the honesty of his art, a sort of telltale heart! Good one VB
Certainly couldn’t escape from it. Thanks for commenting, Bill.
I knew I would like this from the first sentence. The whole story is there, in such a short piece.. I love the narrative voice anyway and it’s just perfect here. Brilliant
Dee
Many thanks for the great comment–always appreciate positive feedback.
To actually admitting the guilt after the dead is a quite powerful image, very well told.
Guilt is a powerful force–and very hard to shake off. Thanks for stopping by, Bjorn.
eternal penance. well done. something to consider – “hand-locked” doesn’t need to be hyphenated. however, if it saves you a word, then you’re free to go.
Hi Rich,
An interesting observation–looks like it might be one word (see: landlocked) but as a compound modifier following a noun, it might sneak under the wire with hyphens. As for my personal take, “hand” modifies “locked”, therefore, right or wrong, I hyphenated them for readability.
Thanks for commenting, certainly made me think.
Yes narrator voice works here