“…was her child”

This is a ghazal (sixth century Arabic poem) suggested by Samuel Peralta. The rules for this form are on the dVersePoets site (see link at end of poem).

Accomplished student, athlete, was her child.
Beloved by the gentry, was her child.

Sweet and kind and loving, a help to all
Ever at hand and ready, was her child.

Outstanding young woman with style and grace
Leader without enmity, was her child.

One day, without warning, a blast rang out
Shot by unknown enemy, was her child.

Still lovely, lithe and with a youthful face
Immortalized by vb, was her child.

(Written for dVersePoets, January 31, 2013. )

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This entry was posted in Flash Fiction, ghazal, Micro Fiction, Poetry, Short Fiction and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to “…was her child”

  1. deanabo says:

    This is such a sad story……

  2. vbholmes says:

    Thanks for your comment–not an easy form for me (I have trouble writing to a lot of rules–six here) but it was fun trying.

  3. brian miller says:

    oh man…the thought of anyones child being taken by a bullet is brutal…my greatest fear is that something would happen to my sons…nice use of form though man…i struggle with the rules as well…smiles.

  4. I was shocked by the ending…I like the refraining lines, was her child ~ Good work on the form ~

    Grace

  5. Laurie Kolp says:

    So tragic, hopefully not personal.

  6. Bodhirose says:

    I’ll never get used to children being murdered. You did a beautiful job with the subject…a nice tribute to a child who once was…

    • vbholmes says:

      I think we’re all getting tired of hearing about senseless murders of young people. Hopefully, there will be some kind of gun regulation and it will help.

  7. Structurally, you were spot on here. But the subject matter of the poem – what a harrowing experience, to have a child with such wonder and promise cut off with a life as yet unfulfilled. This twist in the tale stopped me cold. A difficult subject, but well-handled, well-done.

    • vbholmes says:

      I missed the part about the ghazal being “written traditionally about poetically physical or spiritual love, with a melancholic air of separation or longing” until after I had posted my poem. Will try to follow all the rules next time. Thanks for the lesson–it’s an interesting form.

  8. marousia says:

    Ouch – the ending really bites….

  9. kkkkaty says:

    Very nice …I do hope you sent it to the mother and family of the girl..it would mean a lot to her, I’m sure, that someone took the time to write such a beautiful sonnet..;)

  10. Sabio Lantz says:

    Ouch — my colleague just lost his 20 year-old son two weeks ago. The words at the funeral were attempts to immortalize — feeble attempts, horribly feeble and we all know it.
    What loss — our words comfort ourselves more than they comfort those we imagine. We agree to lie. [sorry, downer mood — but your poem brought it out — he was a great kid]

    • vbholmes says:

      It is so hard to reconcile the death of a young person–especially when it was the result of a senseless, sometimes random, violent act. My sympathies to your friend, and to you, for the loss of a promising young man.

  11. Tony says:

    The refrain – was her child – had me expecting a hard ending to this piece. You didn’t disappoint. Not a poem to enjoy, but beautifully crafetd nonetheless.

  12. monkeybrains22 says:

    You spoke of rules…may I inquire as to those “rules”?

  13. lucychili says:

    yes some families feeling this pain in many countries. i wish we could stop the wars and shootings.

  14. vbholmes says:

    I fear man is a cruel animal.

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