“A One-Sided Chat With My Dentist”

So good of you to see me, Dr. Jones.
Of course, sit down; long day, please rest your bones.
You’ve seen my x-rays, what’s your prognosis?
Not too close, doc, you have halitosis.
Root canals, bridge, caps and restoration.
Twenty thou? Excuse my hesitation.
Oh, that does not include the root canals?
No problem, I can see one of your pals.
My lack of color, quick pulse worry you?
You fear I might die and my wife will sue?
That will not happen ’til you’ve earned your fee.
Your bill will be my family’s legacy.

(Written for dVersePoets, Open Link Night 89, March 26, 2013.)

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19 Responses to “A One-Sided Chat With My Dentist”

  1. Dave Higgins says:

    Most amusing.

    I did find the inconsistent switching between speakers a little confusing in places though; it might flow better if they always alternated lines, couplets &c.

  2. vbholmes says:

    Oh dear, I had intended this to be read in its entirety in the first person. I just changed the title to “A One-sided Chat With My Dentist”–perhaps that will help to smooth out the confusion. (I’m guessing that the invitation to sit down and the reference to halitosis may have caused some of the confusion–dentists spend a lot of time on their feet and I once went to a dentist who, incongruously, had halitosis.) Many thanks for commenting, Dave–I welcome constructive criticism and appreciate your comment.

  3. Ruth says:

    I had no problem reading it as written – chats with my dentist tend to be one-sided as well, on his side… anyway, good one – i’m still laughing, albeit a bit ruefully 😉

  4. RL King says:

    Oh goodness! How true is this!! Too cute.

  5. brian miller says:

    ugh…the medical bills being the family legacy…sadly a reality for many…particularly those that lack any kind of insurance…i have been there…and the cost of getting healthy is never cheap….

  6. L says:

    I always enjoy the dentist….so far.

  7. Tony Maude says:

    So glad that in the UK we still have the NHS. For all its faults, it’s reassuring to know that medical care is available to all who need it, free at the point of use. Sadly, the says of dentistry also being paid for from general taxation are long gone – and the nation’s dental health is suffering badly as a result.

  8. Grace says:

    Thankfully I have insurance to pay for the dental bills ~ Indeed it is very expensive, like the family legacy for the family ~

  9. Beth Winter says:

    LOL! Isn’t that the truth! Fortunately, my dentist has amazing eyes so he gets a little slack. 🙂 This was a pleasure to experience.

  10. Twenty thou? Yeah, it’s that or lotsa soup. Looks like it’ll be the soup.

  11. I cried with every word. I have 13 teeth in the front 5 cracked and broken ones in the back. I’m trying to save up for dentures before I try to see a dentist. $20k I would have to make the dentist my beneficiary on my life insurance policy. It threw me off when you said have a seat and told the doc he has halitosis. Maybe if you put it as have a seat doc. And instead of sir put doc again. I think it’s a witty take on the sad reality of dental care.

  12. Sabio Lantz says:

    Fantastically funny — with your rhyme acting as an gutsy amplifier.

    They got us by the teeth and their pliers are made of gold!
    If it is any sick comfort, somewhere I’ve heard that dentists have one of the highest suicide rates!

    • vbholmes says:

      What a compliment! I read your piece on gutsy poetry and am pleased to have written a poem that fits the definition. By the way, I first heard the suicide statistic from my dentist who said it’s because their feet hurt–I think it’s because their patients hurt.

  13. Mary says:

    This made me smile this morning. Dental bills are exhorbitant….and one can’t avoid going to them!. (Well, one CAN, I suppose…but would one want to?)

  14. It’s just funny. Thanks.

  15. vbholmes says:

    Major problems if you don’t visit–and, unfortunately, they know it. Thanks for visiting.

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