“Missing You”

The calla lilies speak to me of you.
Soft petals of pure white, like silken skin.
Their secret scent rewards a love that’s true
And tastes of nectar nurtured deep within.
Yet lilies appear austere next to you.

(Rewrite of a poem based on the five senses for dVersepoets: Meeting the Bar, August 29, 2013.)

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Flash Fiction, Micro Fiction, Short Fiction, Short Story and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to “Missing You”

  1. brian miller says:

    smiles…i like how the flowers speak to you of them but still pale in comparison…you pick the delicate and intimate bits of the flower too…very nice…

  2. Miss Hannah says:

    I like it, reminds me of a Japanese love poem of longing for a long lost love:)

  3. billgncs says:

    VB — you put the petal to the metal on this one… very nicely done 🙂

  4. Ruth says:

    oh what a lovely tribute to the “you” here – the beauty and purity of the lilies that yet seem austere in comparison to the loved one

  5. Gay Cannon says:

    Don’t know how you might have changed it; but it’s very satisfying as it is.

  6. howanxious says:

    beautiful alliterations… very sweet like the scent of the flowers.

  7. I agree with Miss Hannah, it definitely has a Japanese feel. The sparsity of those forms minimizes the need for editing, to a degree–although I have changed wording at times.

  8. claudia says:

    smiles…what a gentle love song… i like the inclusion of scent…

  9. annotating60 says:

    Very nice and succinct. Good write.>KB

  10. Laurie Kolp says:

    This is absolutely beautiful!!!

  11. aprille says:

    Ah, those lilies.
    Not so austere at times, when they spill their coloured pollen and stain your hands for weeks.
    Sound edit by the looks of it.

  12. Wonderful love song … What a tribute to that someone special

  13. Delicate and so beautiful.

  14. wolfsrosebud says:

    did love the second line… it put me in the garden

  15. Delectable words for a special lady.

  16. Eric Alagan says:

    Very well done, VB – whoever the subject is, must be a great person – even the lillies pale into austerity

  17. margaret says:

    A delicate poem with a lovely fragrance. I love it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s