“Ballad of San Jose Nacahuil, Guatemala” (A Tritina)

My town sits on a single-lane dirt road.
A black car roars up to my cantina.
The bandits inside are thirsty for blood.

First shot to my arm brings first sign of blood.
Bodies of townsfolk fast fall to the road.
Others seek refuge in my cantina.

The shooters lay waste to my cantina.
More innocent victims lie soaked in blood.
The villains laugh; they escape down the road.

The road to my cantina weeps fresh blood.

(Inspired by 9/09/13 news article on the attack. Written for dVersepoets. Open Link Night. September 10, 2013,)

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11 Responses to “Ballad of San Jose Nacahuil, Guatemala” (A Tritina)

  1. This is a very somber use of a tritina. The end line is soo good.. I really like it. I also liked how you got a flow without sounding repetitive in those last words…

  2. Mary says:

    Oh, this is very chilling. Story vividly related, and the ending line was perfection.

  3. Ruth says:

    heartbreaking, the final line brings it home – the tritina a good form for the content, with the line-ending repetition of key words

  4. I’m not familiar with this form, so I’ll have to look it up (and maybe try it sometime.) But I get the idea and think that you did it well.

    janet

  5. brian miller says:

    geez…that was like a scene from an action movie…you have to wonder too at their motivations…what led them on the killing spree? fascinating bit of a story there…and use of form…

  6. Gay Cannon says:

    Stark, startling, real. Vivid images made more so in meter and rhyme – a mnemonic that serves the mind as well as the conscience. Makes the horror so close! Superb!!

  7. A painful read. Seems as though there is no protection. A cantina is so unlikely to stop bullets. I could hear the villains laugh.

  8. kkkkaty1 says:

    You capture the scene, the culture, the ruggedness…still prevelant; great use of the form as well!

  9. chilling expose..vivid images..nicely done

  10. Tony Maude says:

    This was doubly chilling for me to read because my wife only came back from 3 weeks in Alotenango, Guatemala a couple of weeks ago.

  11. kelvin s.m. says:

    ..ah, brutally haunting… quite the image you provide inside my head…

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