I press my face against the pane
As I repeat “Hands Up” again.
I speak, she does not understand.
The pretty girl extends her hand.
I press my body to the car.
Her exit through the door I bar.
The scheme’s not going as I planned.
The pretty girl extends her hand.
I press my finger to the gun.
She leans toward me, claims I am done.
The cop on call is her husband.
The pretty girl extends her hand.
I press my face against the pane.
The pretty girl extends her hand.
(Written for dVerse Open Link Night, Week 114. September 17, 2013.)
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ouch, yeah when you mess with a cops wife, you are pretty well done…just saying….
and you probably wont be going to court…
True, Brian–and definitely not in her car, with her wallet, cash and credit cards which he intended to boost.
Whew, what a tale you told in this Kyrielle. Really interesting to play with forms, isn’t it? You worked this form well.
Thanks, Mary. I do like the challenge of writing to form and seeing how the structure informs my words. Sometimes the result is a complete surprise.
oh dear… i think his hands are tied, poor man – what’s he to do? 😉
nice form, the forced repetition works well
Many thanks, Ruth. I like the rhythm of repetition–it reinforces your message.
Never mess with a pretty girl – or she’ll extend her hand – Splat!
How true, Eric, how true.
Ouch.. that went bad.. cool to use such a lyric form to tell a grizzly story…
I set out to write a lyrical, even exultant, poem which is why I chose the Kyrielle form but it wasn’t to be–so I settled for the opposite. C’est la vie.
How about a Villanelle murder story next time??
The gauntlet has been tossed–will give it a try. Tune in next week.
ha – beware of a cop’s wife… not healthy to mess with them..smiles
I enjoyed reading your story through this kyrielle!
Form seems to work as a counterbalance to the text – assault in repetition – felt frightening and out of kilter – well used here in a whole new way. Kudos.
This is so much fun. The form and story work well. Feel no obligation, but it reminded me of something I did once in villanelle form–a heist and also a pretty–um–girl. http://manicddaily.wordpress.com/2011/12/22/contrastvillanellesvillain-elle-with-watercolors-and-elephants/